Friday, September 14, 2007

Caleb's first week of school

It has been a while since my last post and I don't know where to begin. It has been a really hard week for me and I think a pretty good week for Caleb. Let's start with him. His first day of school was Monday. I actually went to orientation with him and felt a little sneaky being there as I was the only non-student. His classmates all seem genuinely kind and interesting. It is quite an international group with several students from Korea, one from Mexico, the Dominican Republic, Bulgaria, and all over the U.S. There are 18 in the program that are new this year and I think 15 second year students. Caleb is cautiously excited and anticipating being incredibly busy. He may end up having 100hr work weeks including his job for Smith Harmon. We will still maintain date night somehow, as a necessity to connect regularly. I went with him to some grad welcome parties and really was struck with how friendly everyone was.
I still feel a little out of place. When people ask me what I "do" it is such a loaded question. Right now I nanny, but that is not all of who I am and what I do. Unfortunately there is a part of me, probably pride, that wants to explain this and yet I am at a loss for words. I can say my degree, that I don't use, or the volunteer work that I have done, or the books that I've read or that I grew up in Hungary but it all sounds flat. It sounds flat in the company of a group of graduate students pursuing their careers and their dreams with intent and direction and intensity. I think I feel especially rootless right now as I think about being so nomadic and following Caleb and his calling. I know that his calling is our calling as we are married, but I just feel really alone right now.
My work is isolating as I am way out in the country and at the same house all day. The children are sweet but this week has been rough. Long days and I got puked on and pooped on and that's as much as you need to know. I think it will be different when I can come home at the end of the day and connect with friends and a community of some sort. Right now I come home to an empty house and wait for Caleb to get home and eat and go to bed and start the day again in a few hours.
I have been crying out to the Lord and am waiting on Him to reveal His plan for me here and provide a friend. I think the difficulty with a lot of this move is that the feelings of isolation and loneliness are all so familiar. I can't let the memory of previous moves and their clouds overshadow this one because that would mean that I am not growing, changing, learning. I am trying to be honest, open and welcome new people and new experiences. Sometimes I just feel tired and miss my family in Seattle so much . You all know you are family to me. I miss you so much. Please, please pray for Caleb and me. We will be checking out a new church on Sunday. Maybe it will mark a new path on the road.

3 comments:

tricia said...

hi marci,

i just read your blogs. it's funny jon and i are in the same boat as you and caleb. we have been in boston for 2 months now. boston has been great so far. i started school and jon's working 2 jobs. it was hard to leave seattle, friends and family, a lot harder than i thought. so, it's been a little lonely here as well. it would be fun to catch up with you and caleb.
trish

Mrs. M said...

marciiiiiiiiii,

it's midnight here in seattle. kitty's playing with his ball, paul's playing an x-box game, and i'm cozied up with my favorite yellow blanket. i was just remembering that time when we went to the pumpkin patch and how fun it was to take tug with us. that was fun, huh? anyway. just saying "hola!" and letting you know paul and i are praying for you guys. gotta go. kitty just puked up a hairball.

love you!!

Lauren Day said...

Hi Marci... I love you. Thank you for being so honest. I have been in the process of moving for the last week so I am just now reading your updates. My in-laws are in town now but I want to call you and talk soon.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Love,
Lauren