Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Discontent in Paradise

Yes, it is possible to live near one of the most beautiful beaches in the world and be homesick for dusty dirt roads, beans and tortillas and most of all piles of wonderful kids. I miss Hogar Infantil so much that my life here in Tulum feel so self-gratifying and unfulfilling. I want to go back tomorrow, hop on a bus and travel those 18 hours just so I can see their faces again.

Caleb is understanding and patient. He knows I want to move to Ocozocoautla de Espinosa, but I think he's afraid if we do that, we'll never leave or have kids. He's concerned we'll loose our wanderlust and desire for adventure. The ability to up and move anywhere we want at a moment's notice. That he may have to sacrifice opportunities in his career for a life in rural Chiapas. He already feels isolated here. Ironically, this has been his most successful year yet in terms of recognition and galleries being interested in his work. We are torn between two worlds. One is full of things, and places, and opportunities. The other one is simple, smaller, and yet of deep value and impact. I guess it's a good problem to have so many options. So many places we could live, dear friends who would love us to be close again…career opportunities for Caleb….but my heart is in a little dusty town in Chiapas. I will go where my husband goes, but I would like to at least live in Coita for a year. What does that mean in terms of me being 31 and having children? I don't know. I still want kids. I want both. Am I willing to have a baby in Mexico? I don't know. Lot's of questions.

As of now my plan is to go back to Hogar in mid May. I do thank God that I have such a supportive husband. We have a lot of things to figure out, but we are trying to make it work for both of us. I probably shouldn't be so bummed out since I will be going back in two months, but my time there was so intense. I am still raising money for the boys' dorm at Hogar and will be putting together a presentation to use as a fundraising tool. I know that I will be involved in any way I can with Hogar for many years to come.

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